A few things I wish I could put on a poster and hand out to everyone I meet.
I think that everyone dealing with infertility issues has their own running list of stupid crap not to say to them and here is mine.
1. “When are y’all going to have kids?”
I am completely guilty of asking this question to friends almost as soon as the ink of their relationship was dry. I know (having been this dumbass) that the intention behind this question isn’t to insult although it brings about quite a bit of pain.
So, unless you are someone’s OB/GYN you have no business asking this question.
2. “Why don’t you want to hold the baby?”
I have been asked this one on multiple occasions and being a school teacher I can usually get out of it by saying that I’m covered in school germs and wouldn’t want to pass them on to your new baby. Try your best to understand that my heart is literally broken in about a million pieces every time I see a baby that I can’t have and holding yours will pretty much send me on a tailspin. So, lets avoid this with all possibility!
3. “You just need to relax and let it happen”
Ummm, not so much. The precious teacher next door (who has literally been teaching longer than I have been alive) tells me every time I have a fertility appointment that I should save my money and go on a cruise. Again, just shut the heck up and leave my ass alone.
4. “Why can’t you be happy for me?”
I personally haven’t had an issue with this one directly, but have had some indirect issue with this. As part of our ‘coaching family’ get togethers we make meals for our hubby’s to eat after various events as everything is closed by the time they can leave. We have had many new additions to our little coaching crew and some of the newbies mommies think I am a royal jerk because I am not the first to volunteer to hold the baby, change the baby, or take meals to their homes. I’ll admit it that I am completely selfish about his one. Self preservation is the name of the game, not making sure people like me. I gave up on that one a long time ago.
5. “Just adopt, there are so many kids in this world that need a good home”
Let me educate you about a few things regarding this statement. First, adopting isn’t for everyone. The AT and I have discussed this at length and the idea of becoming attached and then loosing the child after 30 days because the birth mother has changed her mind is literally too much for us. Also, we also know that not everyone is meant for adoption, it is a child not just an alternative. It’s not right for us. One more interesting tidbit….contrary to popular belief adoption is incredibly expensive in most cases. In a way this is a financial decision as much as it is an emotional choice.
Thanks for reading this incredibly long post, I promise I broke it down by quite a bit and will add to this list later.
Have a great week y’all and feel free to add to your own in the comments below!
Tape it up, The AT’s Wife