To tell or not to tell, begging for your opinion


The above is currently my view…my darn dog literally won’t leave me alone today. Glad she is cute or we might have some issues. 

First, thank you so very much for the support yesterday. I don’t know how I would have made it out without my Twitter peeps! Quick side note, I’m still so very new at the blogging/Twitter thing so if I royally screw up or commit a major faux pas please tell me.

On to the questions of the evening, who knows about your infertility struggle? How much do they know? Would you do things differently now if you could go back? Who is more quiet between you and your partner?

I’ll go first, the main reason I’m asking is because I honestly have no friends around my area who are dealing with the same issues. The few who have an idea what is going on tell me to be honest with everyone and others say it’s inappropriate to discuss any of it.

Here is where the AT and I stand on the above issues.

Who knows about your infertility struggle?
Originally we were pretty quiet, only telling one couple we were really close to. We then told the AT’s mom after his father passed away, my sister, and parents slowly followed. We didn’t tell anyone at work until we both had to miss work for fertility doctor appointments (Working in a small school district, it would have been easily noticed that we were both gone). Two plus years later, most of the people we interact with daily have some idea that we want to start a family and are unable to without medical assistance.
How much do they know?
Here is where things get interesting…AT’s mom knows it all, down to the details of the last SA that was done. My sis does know it all but doesn’t ask any questions. Mom just knows I’m not PG yet. My dad I’m sure knows more than I would like, mainly because my sis tells him everything. People around school just know about the appointments and the impending IVF but don’t know why.
Would you do things differently now if you could go back?
Having not been able to comprehend that we would still be TTC 2.5 years later I probably would have been more open in the hopes that someone else would be open with me. The flip side of that coin is that some days I wish I kept my damn mouth shut so people wouldn’t ask me stupid questions or give me such great ‘advice.’ (You hear that sarcasm?)
Who is more quiet between you and your partner?
This one most assuredly goes to the AT. I understand his point and wish that sometimes I didn’t feel the need to talk about my issues all the darn time.

Excited to hear about where y’all stand! Thanks in advance for filling me in!

Tape it up y’all, The AT’s Wife


10 thoughts on “To tell or not to tell, begging for your opinion

  1. I was very quiet about it in the beginning. As time went on (two years now) I have gotten more open about it. My better half doesn’t talk about it with anyone, but I think that’s a guy thing. Most people by this point know we are struggling. I posted it on Facebook after my last cancelled cycle because I just felt like I was pretending things were fine and they are not. People don’t know the details though. I never could hAve been this open about it two years ago. I just wanted to hide. Well, I probably still do.

    • I completely understand wanting to hide, it sometimes feels like we are walking around with a literal weight on our shoulders. The AT is also pretty quiet, so glad I’m not the only one. You are brave to put something on facebook, it’s such an odd feeling, not knowing what to do/say.
      Thank you so much for sharing with me!

  2. My husband and I have been fairly quiet about it even though we’ve been TTC for 4 years now. I’ve gradually started opening up to a few friends, he’s told a few family members and my boss knows. My blog has been my outlet for everything. I’m a private person and I’ve found talking to some in person who haven’t had to deal with infertility just dont get it and say things that hurt or irritate me even though they mean well. Luckily one of my best friends is in the same place I am so we vent a lot to each other. I want to be more open about it…but I don’t want to be treated differently because of it. Some days I want to post awesome links on fb about infertility, and other days I don’t want to open myself up to the questions/comments that come out of it. It’s so hard to deal with all of this!!!

    • So jealous you have someone so close to be completely open with, that has to be a great feeling. I am also a relatively private person but I am also a total chatterbox which can be somewhat conflicting. You are so right that keeping quiet about the issues help avoid dumb/too personal questions and comments from people which is a very good thing. I’m still at the point of just crying when I have to talk about any of it. It is so hard to deal with it all, I will say that I so very much wish that I started to blog/Tweet earlier. I’m still very new to this but feel a weight lifting (just a little bit!)
      Thank you again for sharing, I appreciate it!

      • It really does help to know someone personally going through the same thing. However, there’s going to come a day where one of us gets pregnant before the other and I know it’s going to be hard for both of us. She was ahead of me in fertility treatments but due to some other things coming up has now put it on hold so I just hope that if this does work out for me soon that we’ll still be close because of everything we’ve been through. I completely understand getting emotional when talking about infertility in general – it’s so hard. I’ve cried in front of several friends now and I hate that I do that, because the last thing I want is them to feel uncomfortable or feel like they can’t talk to me about it if I’ve decided to open up. I think you’ll find that you’ll love this blog community – there are so many wonderful people on here who can relate and are SOOOOO supportive!! This is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and has really helped me get through some tough days because I knew that I could find someone that understands. Best of luck to you with your journey and I’ll be thinking about you! 🙂

  3. We are pretty quiet, I have told girlfriends – but our families don’t know what is going on or that we are even ‘trying’. I have no idea why I feel like I shouldn’t tell them. Maybe because it is taking longer then we thought/would like/anticipated….and I just don’t want to deal with all of the questions every 5 min ‘are you pregnant yet?’………

    • It is funny to me how everyone believes that the second you want to be pregnant you magically become pregnant! I remember being told how easy it would be to get pregnant when I was in junior high school, haha! Thanks so much for sharing!!!

  4. This has been an ongoing question I ask myself every cycle. My mom and brother know, DH’s mom, brother and sister-in-law know. I wish they would take a moment to educate themselves so they can ask “real” questions rather than wondering if I’m pregnant all the time. Sometimes I wish I never told anyone because when it doesn’t work it breaks my heart having to tell everyone over and over again. But when I get excited about a new treatment I want to scream it from the roof tops.

    • Oh my goodness, I completely agree…do some research idiots and quit asking me dumb questions!!! It is odd to me how much I go back and forth about what to say and what not to say to people especially when I have some new options. Thanks so much for sharing and good luck!

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